Rarely has an extremely good piece of writing been produced under strenuous and harsh condition. Not physically, but mentally. Good things need room to breathe, to prosper and grow.
My thoughts feel restricted. In the pressured mind of mine, ideas can’t take shape. They are being shoved to some dark corners, and will probably not be surfaced for quite a while. It’s not just the act of writing that’s difficult. The going-about of daily activities like reading, net-surfing, watching football and doodling feel uncomfortable. There’s always something that’s occupying my mind – and that’s where my worries take their roots from.
I’m worried about my future. Part of me is looking forward to something new and unknown, while another part of me is looking at the bleak future with a little desperation. Any job would be fine, this little voice would sometimes whisper to me. You need that salary to pay off bills and be accountable for the essential stuffs.
While I’ve always been interested in branding, design and advertising, it doesn’t always translate to our dream job in reality. Morale will inevitably get sapped when I don’t hear from places I applied to. And when they wrote back, it’s an unfortunate rejection. I don’t know how this will work out, I can only trust that my decision will be justified in the future.
Too many times, I have avoided the hard truth. This inability came back to haunt me during movies, shows, reading book, writing. They are always lingering in my mind, snapping at me when I most needed to focus. The only way to move forward, I realized, is to accept and acknowledge the problems. To be in control of the situation is to assess and understand the issues before me.
Now that I’ve gotten this out of the way, it’s time to pursuit the things I love. Writing here is a privilege. While I don’t always enjoy writing, I simply enjoy the feeling of having written. Each article, long or short, research intensively or impulsively expressed, is an expression of me. It’s a place where I can channel my interests into something tangible – in the form of words.
Penning this down really helped to clear my mind. It makes me think through the process – deeply and cohesively. Now, I’m slowly feeling the zest and delight that makes writing here such a pleasant experience.