The Feeling Of Not Being Able To Write

This is a familiar feeling. I’ve walked this path before, many times.

A few weeks back, I set my mind to posting here regularly, again. Despite the lengthy layoff, I thought the return would be made smoother after 4 years of writing.

Man, how wrong and naive it was to habour that thought. I knew it’s not going to be easy, but I never imagined it would be this excruciatingly tough. It’s painful to turn an idea in my head into words on the screen. Often, the words appear to lose their meaning after I typed them. They are not what I wanted to communicate. On some occasions, the words dried up while I was typing. They almost never return.

I’ve shared my struggles with writing before but this feeling unlike anything in the past. It could be the constant sleep deprivation — a maximum of 5 hours of interrupted rest every week night. This, together with the pressure on the constant disappointment in my job search, may have led to my current awkward state. It seemed every thing, object and people were weighing me down. There was no margin to breathe.

I wrote this on the last page of a generic paper notebook. I was hoping it can offer me an escape from this writing slump and it certainly helped.

Now that I’ve got this out of my chest, let’s see where this newfound enthusiasm will lead me.