Not Looking Good

Current mood: cranky with frequent mood swings. And unpredictable.

These are the kind of behaviour I exhibit for the past 4 months. Instead of letting up, they seem to intensify.

With a bad job, a horrible boss, a company with plenty of debts, and an uncertain outlook, things are really bleak.

I can’t bear to think beyond the next step. One foot at a time, I remind myself. My company is quick to pull the trigger on terminating staffs. No one is spared.

The culture here is, to use their exact word, flush. Any sense of incompetence in their eyes will result in sacking. Fair, justifiable or not, it doesn’t matter.

Turnover is sky high and now I understand why.

At the stroke of midnight, I received a text message from the CEO that altered my mood since. It was Sunday and the following day is a public holiday. Not only didn’t she respect the personal time and boundary, she did it multiple times already without remorse.

The tone of message is one of demand, with underlying anger and consequence to be bourn from this.

I’m grateful for having a job, but this is becoming too much. It’s affecting my life and that trickles to people around me. Mentally and physically, I’m totally drained.

I can only hope to endure and survive long enough before I hop off.

Reading through this post, it sounds like I’m wallowing in self pity. It probably is. But I’m also writing to reflect on my current state. It hightens my awareness and makes me even more determined to seek better life, for me and for the people I care about.