Being Employed

Being employed is a blissful thing.

Your days are structured. You look forward to the off days. 

If the job is tough, you look forward to the end of the day. If the job is boring or repetitive, you will find ways to entertain yourself. 

If the job is not what you want, you will keep a glance out there for (potentially) better opportunities. 

Most importantly, being employed means you’re paid. The assurance and security, knowing that there will be money in, is such a comforting feeling. 

I’m jobless. For 38 days and counting, I’m unemployed. 

My savings are long depleted. I’m in debt. Having applied for countless positions, I’ve only gotten 2 interviews, without success. 

For many – especially men – not having a job plays on the mind. We are supposed to be the breadwinner, the primary source of income to support the family. 

My wife is now shouldering this responsibility alone. I feel inferior. With each passing day, I’m sinking deeper. 

I suffered panic attacks. I’ve had sleepless nights. They kept me up, and I wondered if I’ll ever be able to get out of this slump. 

Now, I’ve resorted to applying for positions which I probably wouldn’t go for if given a choice.

In 2 weeks, we will be heading to New Zealand. I’m grateful (but also sorry) that my wife has taken up the bulk of the expenses for this trip. 

But with the uncertainty surrounding my future, it’s tough to truly enjoy my time there.

I’d love to secure a job before we leave. I thought of calling my former boss, a gentleman I’d gladly work for again. 

But something’s holding me back. Deep down, I’m feeling ashamed to be in this plight. I’m worried how others would see me. And I’m afraid of being rejected. 

But what’s there to lose?